So, I have decided to dust off the old blog today and try to get back in to posting once again. Life has been nothing short of chaotic this past year as we dealt with everything with Bryan’s health and building a new home together. Now that we officially moved and settled into a routine at our new house, I feel like I can breathe again! Moving with two kiddos under the age of four was as adventurous as it was stressful 🙂
We celebrated our oldest’s fourth birthday this week, and I can’t help but think back to where we were one year ago. It was on June 18th that I posted my news publicly about Bryan’s lymphoma. We celebrated Father’s Day last year not only celebrating Bryan, but celebrating his last “normal” day before his first chemotherapy treatment. The reality of that situation has come to weigh heavily on me as we vividly remember the details that unfolded as that journey of life began.
But, what I can tell you, is this: God came through. Just like He always does. It wasn’t how I wanted Him to deal with the situation. Bryan’s lymphoma certainly wasn’t what I thought He would put in our paths, but there it was. I have often wondered what life would look like for us now had we not gone through that trial. For me, the reality that I am not in control was a harsh one. A reality that I did not want to face.
I also sit here full to the brim with thankfulness. I am SO thankful that Bryan is now healthy. I am grateful that he has had another whole year to be here with our family, and to grace the world with his joyful presence. I am overjoyed that I am able to sit here and type out how thankful I am for his complete helping, as for the past 12 months, there was so much uncertainty.
What I want to do today, other than to get back to my blog, is to just reflect on where life has taken us. I want to let you know that God is good. Even when it doesn’t seem like it. Even when you want to be in control and think that you know better. My absolute favorite worship song of all time is “Oceans”, and these lyrics in particular:
Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders.
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
This anthem could not have rang out in my life more truly than it did over this past year. I felt like I was deeper into a situation than I possibly ever could have wandered on my own, and yet in the midst of something I was so upset about, so sad about, so emotional about, I clung to my faith in Jesus more than I had ever before. I felt His presence as Bryan and I labored over decisions about what to do and what steps to take. I felt like at the end of the day, all I could do was relinquish complete control and trust. Trust that had no borders.
Bryan remains cancer-free today and is healthy as can be! The chances of his lymphoma returning are highest in the first year, so we would love continued prayers that God keep watch over him. Bryan has some remaining scar tissue and slightly enlarged lymph nodes that cause him some discomfort, and the mental struggle of having gone through what he did continues to weigh on him. I know that he would also appreciate prayer that anxious thoughts would stay away, and that he would continue to focus on living every day to its fullest potential.
I am so thankful as well for the community of friends and family that surrounded us during the entire time. I had read on another blog that part of the tough thing about going through cancer was that everyone reacts when you first post something with offers to help and encouragement, but it dies down after that. This definitely rang true to us, but, I can tell you that we had family and friends who stuck by the entire time and it made a huge difference to Bryan and I. He had cards of encouragement to open through the whole journey, we had our children cared for so I could help Bryan, and Bryan had family that went with him to keep him company during chemo treatments. Our lawn was mowed by neighbors, we had food and meals offered and prepared for us. I will never forget these acts of kindness, as they truly made such a huge difference to us. God showed us His perfect and powerful love through everyone that walked with us.
But, most of all. I am thankful and I am SO happy for a God who pulled us through when we couldn’t see the light at the end — when it seemed like we were in the worst possible spot. I just can’t even grasp the depth of love and grace He has for all of us.
And. This guy. My Bryan. So happy that he’s mine.
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